i have my reasons

i'm gonna say somethin very appalling, then after all the "wtf is wrong with u" and the "this guy is beyond any hope of redemption" then i shall explain my reasons. ok so here goes:

my grandma is very sick in tan tock seng hospital but i do not wish to go visit her.

ok shoot away!

u done yet?

ok u're done. my turn. here are my reasons:
1) she speaks cantonese, which i understand little to none of. tell u the truth i think i understand french as much as if not more than i do cantonese. "why" u ask...cos i rarely visit my granny, and when i do, all i do at her place is eat and watch tv.
2) she is in a critical stage of stroke where she has little memory retention. meaning to say she cant remember things well. my mom even said granny cant recognise her. i was like 'she cant even recognise her own daughter?!' so now what makes u think i wanna go there and then not be known to her?
3) u know when people say they dun wanna see their loved ones suffer? i mean it when i say that. not that i'm unfilial or anything but heck i cant do shit even if i go there man, i aint no doctor. i mean, just go there for the sake of goin there? i aint much of a hypocrite lar.

so in the end, i dun see any point in me goin down. if u lump the 3 points together, u get this: she wun recognise me and since i dunno her language, i cant really tell her who i am in relation to her, and if i cant communicate with her and she dun recognise me, then for fuck i go down there and get the "fuck off" from her? makes no meanin rite?! if u still think i have to go down since i'm her grandson, then i have nothin more to say....

the smile

it's about me again.
every time they quarrel like this, it has to be about me. today was no different, to be exact, this morning. at first when i woke up to my mother's nagging, i thought she was nagging at me, so i was like wtf lar, i not even awake yet she wanna start quarreling alr -.-

then i heard my father rebutting, and i knew it. its abt me once again. soon the topic strays from me to their marriage, on y my mom wants to stay in the office longer and so on. deep inside i know its thanks to me. none of this would have happened if i was just more tolerant, less vulgar, and show less attitude.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! WHY CANT I FUCKING CHANGE?!

i guess its true wat they say that a leopard nvr changes its spots. i've tried countless times to change, then life gives me one blow and i revert back. guess i aint that strong after all huh. i keep telling myself "c'mon reuel, pick urself up...sulk all u want today, tmr u start afresh" but the sulking part nvr ceases. i sulk one day and the next day i get abit more havoc.

now i just smile, ms delphine lim told me once in what used to be st mike's "u're an attention seeker cos u're the only child" and now here in L&T a colleague told me "u exude the only-child aura" WTF LAR!! so ok now i just smile, hopefully it hides everything.

i've spoken to a few friends who seem rather lively and happy when we're out with our bunch. but when we're talking 1-on-1, it seems they take on a different persona, and all their problems come out. they always manage to conceal it perfectly when they're with the rest of us. wonder how they do it, must learn from them. maybe its cos they aint the only child.

so ok, after this morning's cold war at home, i experimented with the supposedly wonderful thing called the smile. it seems that smiling warms the soul and makes one lighter and ever so slightly more happy. then i just realised, bloggin abt this mornin makes me pissed all over again -.-

haiz...just gotta smile more, dont so emo lol. btw have i told u abt my new colleague? yea its a lady. quite young...i think. of cos i'm judging by the ageing lines on her face. some lines which make up can never hide. so i'm thinking maybe late 20s? okok i know, i'm trying to change topic. i cant help it! i needa get my mood back, i dun wanna be some attention seeker again. dun really like that label :(

wed bdae

so ytd we celebrated wed birthday. didnt get any pics cos my hp got no flash plus the rest of us usually dun take any. didnt really bother to take any also. too busy having fun. anyway, i went to gardens to meet up with liz and wed 1st immed after finding out that the music shop didnt bring in enough amps. then liz and i had to paka so we wun let wed know that mon was comin.

then when we went on to the court, we realised that we needed to pang seh wed awhile while we went to fetch apple and write on the card (well we had to fetch mon as well, and i must say the card was very suitable, it was abt wat beer can do to u LOL). in the end liz brought her bag out with her lar walao -.-

then prepare for the worst...apple came strolling through the carpark and bumped straight into wed!! ultimate WTF. so ok some surprise was lost there. well at least we got mon safely hidden away. =) but it wasnt much of a surprise lar, just that he told wed he couldnt make it then he came down to surprise wed hehe

anyway, after tue won his match against the 13yo, we went over to play bowling, needless to say i got thrashed... my score not even half of theirs lar CHUI!! HAHAHAHA!! now i owe them 1 forfeit -.- i think wed gonna make tue and i each get 1 number when we go zouk nxt month lol

anyway, after dinner at astons, we went over to liquid kitchen to cut the cake. apparently, liz and apple got so excited after seeing a pool table that they had to play one game b4 cutting the cake. but then again, after they played, wed and i went for 1 round. then we wanted to cut the cake alr, but the ppl who played b4 us wanted to play with wed. oh well, we told him gotta cut cake b4 midnite if not bo pakae LOL

erm liz, i'm sure mon didnt know that u cant eat mocha stuff. she ended up not touching her slice of the cake =( oh well, anyway, it was nice. shit, i just realised, i havent pay mon for the cake yet!! oh then again there shud be some change left over from the taxi fare, i think it should be enough lar haha. anyway, when we wanted to leave, the guy who wanted to play with wed changed his mind, he wanted wed to play with mon: if mon win, wed buy him 1 beer, if wed win, he will buy wed 1 beer. in the end, wed won even after he gave mon free ball on the black -.- but ok the guy was a nice guy lar, tue and i think he's quite rich...i think he got the charisma while tue thinks its cos of the way he can just throw money like that.

anyway, i'm having a bad tummy today, gotta finish my report and fuck off....

my goal

i'm oh so close to my goal!! just need a few more days of practice to finally be able to play prob the easiest song in my mp3 on guitar :D the song? heart shaped glasses (when the heart guides the hand) by marilyn manson. i dun think any other song in my mp3 gets any easier than that. and thats prob the only song closest to rock that i have alr hahaha!!

anyway, i think i need to buy an amplifier haha, the guitar still sounds like an acoustic, which isnt the reason y i decided to switch to an electric guitar course :( should i get my amp from peninsular or should i get it from yamaha...guess i have to see the prices 1st huh. either way, a simple amp will do, i aint gonna blast the vol anyway so i dun need such a powerful one, just enough for me to hear and enjoy :D

btw, i just saw darryl play ytd against sp. very interesting match. he was up against an old boy of st pats haha. joshua, also from sp, said he's 23, which means i should have seen him back in my hay days. but then again, back in sec 1 days i wasnt much of a social person. more emo than i am now, just w/o the looks hahahaha.

ANYWAY, back to darryl's match, he fought hard, and they went to a tie break, which of cos darryl won in the end. once again, his was the last match and we were all cheering for him in the end hahaha. but while i must say that the match was quite a thriller, darryl played well with all his topspin shots. he didnt dare to hit whereas the former patrician was basically playing ding dong with more spin and then scurrying around to return the balls darryl threw to the corners. the final score in the end? we won sp 4-1.

i must say the sp fans were more decent than the np fans but then again, its all from hearsay, i didnt experience the np fans, nor do i wanna experience their bitchiness, as my frens call it. so now we won the 2 schools we've faced so far, how much more can the team take? well, tmr will be against meatball's team, i bet they gonna be as bitchy as np if not worse, but then again i dun give a damn, we got quite a few gui lan ppl in our team also, can tahan one lar LOL

tennis updated

nadal won fed and nyp won np...wow

just wat i need to brighten up my tennis life HAHAHA...and i think phelan's still gonna go on abt how darryl won this np guy in a very thrilling classic decider match which ended ard 10pm. i was lke wtf lar!! i shud have gone. i tot np sure win in the end cos ah lim still say they got alot of strong players still. in the end we ended up winning in a very closely fought decider.

and yes wimbledon has seen a new champ! rafael nadal of spain, marloca. also not to forget, the 1st person to win french and wimbledon in the same year since bjorn borg did in 1980 or 1981 cant rmb which XD and also the 1st spaniard to hold the wimbledon trophy in like 70 years LOL.

while many of my frens who were rooting for fed turned sour the next day, i just couldnt seem to stop beaming hahaha. nadal won fed!! wat can be better? and to think fed hasnt won a single slam this year! oh the demise of a champion in his former glory hahahaha!!

recently, the tennis circuit has been extremely dead! there's no big tournaments goin on and the big names are all just goin back to trainin and working out, only the small names are playing some very small and insignificant tournaments haha...oh well on a side note, i just got my new electric guitar...will see if i can get my pics of it up soon :D

my life thus far

ok, for the few months that i've been here in L&T, i've seen on an average of 1 leaver per month. believe it or not. now the company is in short of staff. y? cos we've only hired 2 new staff since then, not to mention, 2 quit my dept but none was posted here -.-

ok so now we're kinda short handed here but we're coping...makes me wonder wat will happen if another person leaves my dept. now the boss knows we're fully capable of surviving with this little staff. we're in deep shit! hahaha but oh well, it doesnt affect me for now, cos i aint doin in bound calls XD

ok so now i'm waitin for my pay cheque...its gonna miserable as usual, but i still end up with savings at the end of the month at least :) the past month has been quite extravagant hmmm, wat with all the clubbin and drinking and slacking ard and cabbing ard :( didnt really save much this time, so i need to save as much as possible this month, hopefully fuji's bdae is the only time i club this month, but the one charlie has on facebook is damn tempting!!! the amount of babes invited is just crazy!! which of cos makes it all the more difficult to resist the temptation :(

that aside, safin's goin on a crazy winning spree this wimbledon, he's made it past the 4th round for the 1st time in god knows when. will he suddenly topple the gaints again as he did during the aussie open only a few years back? cos if he did, it makes him only a frenchie away from becoming only the 6th man to win all the 4 grand slams in the open era.

5th is agassi of cos. he's still playing exhibitions with his wife. last i saw he partnered graf against ivanesevic and cant rmb who...hingis maybe? cant rmb...but at least its for charity, man the guy is something!!

the next story took place only ytd. know wat? it was kar lu's bdae. as a bdae present, i made si ying and her walk like 30min? just to go from my office to funan. (we took the long way cos, yea i kinda forgot how to get there usin the shortcut) well anyway, we were perspiring by the time we reached funan, and needless to say, since they perspired more than me, they were trying to find gaps in my awareness to sneak slaps on my back. unfortunately for them, their hands were kinda small, and in the end, they hurt their hands slapping me. wat losers LOL!! actually we wanted to buy something else for her but due to time constrains, we just decided to buy her a pint of B&J ice cream which we finished there. so much for bdae presents huh...