i confess...

haiz....since i cant stand it anymore, i shall say it once and for all.

To those people who hate me, well, I am sorry u hate me, I know, I hold grudges longer than most people, and I am sure you should already know that by now. I am sure everyone holds grudges, just that some hold longer than others. Forgive me, I am trying very hard not to carry them on, but I just find it hard to change.

For those in CSC who hate me, I do not know what i did to deserve your resentment, but sorry anyway, well maybe except for the teachers who read the blog, i do know why u resent me, I hold grudges, sad.

For those in the class of BF0502 who hate me, I know who you are, and I think I might know why you hate me, but I have tried to carry on, you have not, sad. Once more, I am sorry, but then again, trust is hard to build once broken, I know that well.

You see, I am not really the type who knows how to socialize well. Sure, I might be easy-going sometimes, but I feel odd with too many people around me. I am just not used to socializing yet. Spare me some time, this takes quite some time to get used to.

My heart still aches beneath that mask i put up when I see people sad or hold grudges against me when I don't know what I did to them.

I know that not much people will accept me if i change suddenly overnight. I've tried it before, but those around me just are not used to it. They think I am up to something. It's sad when one tries to change for the better and noone will accept it, just as when a jailbird comes out of prison, he is not accepted by society and has to resort to his old ways to survive. As mentioned earlier, trust is hard to build once broken. Even the government, which came up with the yellow ribbon project do not accept "unclean" people into their government jobs. I am at a loss, because I do not know what to do now. Sad...